“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

“What has been is what will be,

    and what has been done is what will be done,

    and there is nothing new under the sun.” 

Ecclesiastes 1:9

Middle school is an exciting time full of changes and growth, with insecurities, questions, and new emotions. Students feel like they are the “only one” who thinks or feels a certain way, but there are many common ways to experience middle school.  Below are only some of the thoughts, self-talk, and emotions we hear from middle schoolers. Perhaps this list could help your family discuss the unique characteristics of this important stage of development.  If you have thought or said some of these things, you just may be having a “normal” middle school experience!

P.S. At the bottom of this post, you'll find a list of suggested resources for parents. 

Social

• “I don’t have a best friend, and I feel like I should or something is wrong with me.”
• “I have two or three friends that I am closer to, but I don’t know everyone at school well.”
• “My friends seem different than they were last year.”
• “I want to have a group of friends that I feel completely comfortable and at ease with, but I feel like my friendships are more scattered.”
• “I am stressed about who will like me or want to be my friend.”
• “I feel insecure and shy in social situations.”
• “I want to join certain groups of friends, but I don’t know how. I feel left out even though many people are kind to me.”
• “Things seem more cliquey than before.”
• “My friends are making new friends, and I feel anxious and jealous.”
• “My friendships change. For a while, I was very close to one friend and now we are not as close. I have become closer to another friend now. Is that ok?”
• “If my friend makes a new friend, does that mean (s)he likes me less? Is there enough friendship to go around?”
• “Inside I feel really nervous, so I act silly or goofy to get attention.”
• “I try to be funny because I am unsure how to connect with others socially.”
• “I don’t know how to talk to members of the opposite sex anymore.”
• “Girls seem meaner than they were in the past.”
• “I feel insecure, and I respond by being mean to others.”
• “I’m more aware of and stressed about where I am in the social pecking order.”
• “I’m more sensitive to peer pressure than I used to be. ”
• “I am more sensitive in general than I used to be. Why do I cry so much more now?”
• “I am very anxious about others talking about me behind my back.”
• “Social rejection hurts more than it did when I was younger. Being rejected is my worst nightmare.”
• “I find that I do more stupid things in a group than I do when I am alone.”
• “I make friends quickly and easily.” OR “It takes me a long time to make friends, and sometimes it is challenging.”
• “I find that I compare myself to others more than I used to or in new ways.”
• “I know I should care less about what others think, but I am finding it very difficult.”
• “I’m more aware of the opinions of others than I was in the past.”
• “The opinions of my peers feel more important than those of my parents.”
• “I want everyone to notice me.” OR “I don’t want to be noticed or seen.”

Emotional

• “I feel moodier than I did a year or two ago. My friends seem moody too.”
• “I am having more trouble controlling my emotions.”
• “I sometimes act out because I don’t know how to look cool or competent.”
• “I misbehave because I think it will look cool or help me gain social status.”
• “Sometimes I pretend I don’t care about things because I don’t want to fail in front of others.”
• “Sometimes I feel like I have to put others down to make myself feel or look better.”
• “I have trouble being sincere or serious because I want to look cool.”
• “I feel more upset, angry, or frustrated than I did a year or two ago. It’s harder for me to control my emotions.”
• “It’s hard for me to self-regulate.”
• “I don’t always fit in the stereotypical box of what boys or girls ‘should’ be like according to the outside culture.”
• “People keep saying I’ll change in middle school, but I feel the same.”
• “Everyone keeps saying Middle School is such an awful time. I’m scared!”
• “While I act like I don’t appreciate it, I still thrive when my parents set clear boundaries, rules,  and expectations.”
• “I still want to spend time with my parents, even though I am more self-sufficient.”
• “I want to be just like everyone else.” AND “I want to be special and unique.”

Intellectual/Academic

• “I find myself asking, ‘why?’ more than I used to.”
• “I am struggling to get to all my different classrooms on time. I miss having a homeroom.”
• “My elementary school teachers gave specific instructions about much more than my teachers do now. I like the freedom but I have trouble remembering everything or knowing what to do.”
• “Having so many different teachers feels overwhelming. How do I please them all?”
• “My teachers are asking me to think more deeply than they did in elementary school. It feels like a big stretch!”
• “Having less structure at school can be difficult to adjust to.”
• “I’m noticing that there is more nuance in the world. Not everything in black and white.”
• “Metaphors and analogies are particularly striking/instructive to me.”
• “There is more homework than I am used to. Am I cut out for this?”
• “This homework is easier than I was expecting.”
• “I am becoming more aware of the difficult things my peers and parents might be going through.”
• “I sometimes feel uncomfortable as I see  more grown-up problems in the world.”
• “I often do not think about the results of my actions ahead of time, even when adults have warned me.”
• “I want to do more on my own but have trouble pulling it off without parental or teacher help.”
• “I get angry with my parents and teachers if they try to help me with things even if I still need help.”
  
  

Physical

• “I am more uncomfortable with my body and wish parts of it were different.”
• “I feel self-conscious in P.E. or sports.”
• “I feel like the ‘coolest’ kids are the most athletic.”
• “I am more aware of my appearance than I used to be.”
• “I feel antsy and want to move all the time. Sitting still for so long is hard!”
• “I feel awkward.”
• “Everyone else seems comfortable in their own skin. Why don’t I?”
• “I struggle with having fewer recess periods than I did in elementary school.”
• “I feel insecure because I am further along in physical maturation than my peers.” OR “I feel insecure because I am further behind in physical maturation than my peers.”
• “I am excited about growing into an adult.” OR “I am not excited about growing into an adult.”
• “I do not fit the media’s ideal of what an attractive man or woman should look like, and I feel anxious about it.”
• “I am struggling to keep track of my things more than I did in elementary school. Why can’t I stay organized?”
• “I feel like I am always thinking about my appearance.”
• “Even though I may protest, I need my parents to set boundaries for my technology use because I have trouble controlling myself and measuring time.”
• “The more time I spend on social media, the more anxious and depressed I feel.”
• “I wish I could live in a time before cell phones and the Internet.”
• “Social media makes me feel like I never get a break from performing for others. I am always on display.”
• “My parents won’t allow me to use social media. Is being ‘left out’ worth it?” 

Spiritual

• “I’m starting to have bigger questions and doubts about things that I used to feel sure of.”
• “I am starting to question a lot of things about my faith.”
• “I am trying to figure out if I actually believe what I took for granted as a kid.”
• “I have a lot of questions about spiritual things. Is that ok? Is God disappointed because I have doubts?”
• “I don’t want to take my parents’ word for it anymore. I want to make up my own mind.”
• “Will people still like me if I take Christianity seriously? Is it worth being seen as less cool?”
• “I feel valued when adults take time to get to know and spend time with me. I love having mentors, even if I don’t show it..”

New to Dominion and/or classical education? We often hear…

• “This work is harder than my work last year.”
• “I didn’t have homework last year. Why do I have to do it now?”
• “This work is more meaningful.”
• “I didn’t know I could do this because no one ever asked me to.”
• “I am having trouble getting all my work finished.”
• “I can do more than I thought I could, and I feel proud.”
• “ I realize now that I can do difficult things.”
• “It took me some time  but now I am used to different homework and higher expectations.”
• “The fall retreat really helped me find my stride socially.” 
• “My teachers expect me to become a deep thinker. It feels like a stretch.”
• “It took me a while to get to know people. Some students grew up together and knew each other already,  but I found my way eventually and am making meaningful friendships.”
• “Why are Dominion’s expectations for me so different than what other schools have for teenagers?”

Suggested Resources for Parents:

Why Gender Matters, Leonard Sax

Girls on the Edge, Leonard Sax

Boys Adrift, Leonard Sax

Age of Opportunity, Laurence Steinberg

Age of Opportunity, Paul Tripp

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Paul Tripp

Mama Bear Apologetics, Hillary Morgan Ferrer

Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis

The Case for Christ, Lee Strobel

10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask (And Answer) About Christianity, Rebecca McLaughlin