It seems that schools across the country are focused on “digital literacy,” which—to many of us old-school parents—simply means the ability to get information on a topic. Back in the day, our parents told us to go to the library to answer tough questions, where one had to wrestle with microfiche and arcane research tomes that seemed to be organized by esoteric fiat from someone named Dewey Decimal. But now in our brave new world, as we all know, the “answers” are quick and easy to find through the internet.

But is that a good thing? The technology we have now does not necessarily foster learning or research; instead, it all too often fosters laziness. Research does not mean entering a phrase (misspelled even) into Google and clicking a button. Nor does it mean looking up a Wikipedia article on a subject and stopping there, as if this were the final word. There is frequently no consideration whether the information gleaned is accurate or if the research time spent was less than 45 seconds. 

Working hard to find answers is one of the joys of learning, some would argue, despite the pitfalls of the ancient, mysterious libraries of our youth. And a similar work ethic can be applied to the internet, to make this tool a positive part of our research. The internet provides access to vast libraries of primary source materials and first-rate scholarship from around the world that would have been unimaginable 40 years ago. The problem is not the internet, per se, but in the lazy or worldly use thereof.

Of course, beyond laziness, the advent of social media in the lives of teenagers has done harm to many without them even realizing it. You can read about the damage done in many places, and the many forms it takes, including generating feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. What is fascinating is that even tech companies know this. It was recently reported that many Silicon Valley parents—those in the midst of tech innovation—are restricting or even prohibiting screen time for their own children.

This alone should give parents pause. Those who know best how the technology they create affects children keep their own children off it. We can ask why, but it would be more productive to ask “how?” How can we raise our kids to be independent of technology, or at least less dependent on it than they are now? Here are some ideas:

1. Model life without technology as much as possible. Your children follow your lead. Read a book!

2. Do not give a smartphone to your child until the last possible minute. For some, that means until they can pay for it; for others, until they go to college. It is possible! You did not grow up with one, and the only objective difference now is a lack of pay phones!

3. Know what your child is doing online. It should be a family policy that you can look over their shoulder when they are online. Use parental controls but don’t let that take the place of your own parental eyes.

4. Talk to your children. Tell them why this is your policy. Knowing why and that it is based in love can make a big difference.

Navigating parenthood in this era is difficult but it is important to be the parent while your children are still under your roof. No matter what you have done in the past, it will never get easier to set limits than it is right now.